All Because my sister sent a group text

Yeah I haven’t been here in a minute. I thought I would try and get back into the swing of things. My mind has been going a mile a minute lately, so besides working on my books that also have taken a back seat in the past few months, I need another outlet. So I thought I would post something that I posted on FB a few days ago.

I am sure most have seen the picture of the Ass family. My sister sent a group text one morning with the image of the Ass family, and of course jokes and laughter ensue. After our texting stopped I could not let it go (no surprise there) so I post this on face book a few days ago.

                                                        The Ass Family

The Ass family portrait was not compete, it was missing the three oldest boys, identical triplets Punk Ass, Lying Ass and Ugly Ass. Those boys had been in and out of trouble all their lives. One day Punk Ass met Stupid Shit and they fell madly in love. Her parents Little Shit and Big Shit were not happy, they thought Punk was a thug. The Ass family did not get along with the Shit family which upset Punk and Stupid because Stupid ended up pregnant. Punk and Stupid felt they had no choice so they ran away and got married. When the Ass and Shit family found out it hit the fan.
Lying Ass and Ugly Ass stood up for their brother Punk Ass and now their sister Stupid Ass. Soon the blessed day came and Stupid ass gave birth to twins boys Silly Ass and Weird Ass and all was forgiven once Grandpa Ass, Grandma Ass, Grandpa Shit and Grandma Shit saw their Silly Ass and Weird Ass grand
kids.
But when the whole Ass family came home people started talking saying that kids looked like Lying Ass and Ugly Ass (Hello triplet brothers). So the Ass and Shit family felt the only thing they could do was go on the Maury Povich show. DNA swabs were taken from Lying, Ugly and Punk. Lying and Ugly were given a lie detector test.
The results were in, the audience seemed nervous, but the Ass and Shit family never budged, they were firm in their conviction.

Maury: “Lying Ass you are Not the father of Silly Ass and Weird Ass. And you have never slept with Stupid Ass.”
The audience cheered then fell into a hush waiting for the rest of the results.
Maury: “Ugly Ass you are Not the father of Silly Ass and Weird Ass. And you never slept with Stupid Ass.”
Again the audience cheered. There was only one result left
Maury: “Punk Ass,” Maury paused, “You ARE! the father of Silly Ass and Weird Ass. There is no question you have obviously slept with Stupid Ass.”
The audience stood on their feet clapping and cheering. The Ass and Shit family ran on stage and had a big ass family hug.

They all lived Happily Ever After. That is until Uncle Crazy Ass and Aunt Wise Ass moved in.

And all this happened because my sister Chrystal sent a text.

Ahhh Goals

My goal for 2014, a year that I have dubbed to be my most amazing year, has started out a little on the slow side. I didn’t make wild resolutions about losing ninety pounds in three months, keeping my car clean or to stop dropping the F-bomb because I knew there was no fucking way I could do that. But I did give myself a goal, goals I can do, I’ve reached goals I’ve given myself plenty of times. So I set a goal to write a chapter every day no matter what. I thought to myself, this is a realistic goal, my chapters aren’t very long and I think about my characters every day. No lie, I really do, at least 9 times out of 10, (really 9 out of 10), I wake up in the morning thinking about my characters. In the shower, brushing my teeth, or having coffee. I think about what will happen to them today. Will they have a good or bad day. Will they start their morning with a little bow chicka wow wow or will their night end that way. Will their bow chicka wow wow be interrupted with some sort of argument, a friend or a murder. And that is just the morning.

Heading to work I stay focused on my driving, trying to put them out of my head, which is not easy because as soon as I come to a stop light, I wonder what they would do in a car. Where are they headed and so on. But once I get to work it starts all over again and I am jotting little notes to myself all day, ideas of conversations or events that sound good and I don’t want to forget. But then ten hours later after my day has ended my ass is tired.

By time I get home, drag myself upstairs and push my way through the door my brain is mush. I drop my stuff and plop on the couch, letting my head fall back and I sigh. I look at my computer out of the corner of my eyes and think I just need to relax for a minute.

I eventually pick up my note book sitting next to me and flip through everything I’ve written down and think, I should be writing.

(whispers, “I love elf ears”)

I push myself off the couch, because I have a goal right, and I sit down at my computer. I pull up word and up pops the story I am working on and I sigh. But I realize one should not sigh when one is working on the greatest novel to ever be written in the whole entire universe. So what do I do? I get up from my computer, pour a glass of wine, grab my nook and read. Do I feel like a failure, fuck no. I would rather walk away than write a bunch a crap that I’ll just have to rewrite because I was to tired make sense in the first place.

I have come to realize that I am not alone. I follow a lot of different writers and I have noticed that some, not all, but some have vowed to write everyday in this new year of 2014. And as with some lofty resolutions, goals, promises or what ever it is you want to call them, life creeps in. Do you beat yourself up over it? No. Just drink your wine and try again tomorrow. You’ll finish that novel and it will still be the most amazing year to date.

P.S I have changed my goal. My goal is to write when I want to. So far it’s working out.

Sick and Delirious

I put a status up on face book not to long ago, then took my butt to bed. But I couldn’t go to sleep because a dialog started playing out in my head. Why you ask, well like the title say’s, I’m Sick and Delirious. So if I am going to get any sleep I had to write this out.

I’m here to give you a little advice. Never catch a cold, never catch the flu. Let those little buggers just run on by. They bring nothing to the table except for coughing, sneezing, headaches, fever, achy bodies and runny nose. Oh and lots of whining, lots and lots of whining, OH MY GOD MAKE IT SHUT UP WITH ALL THE WHINING. But lets say you do catch one or both of these little shits and you see the error of your ways and decide you don’t want them around any more, they need to get out and they need to get out fast. But all they do is laugh at you and say “make us”. They fall back on the couch watching Myth Busters, refusing to leave like they’re paying rent.

Now shits about to get real and you call the cops. There’s loud banging on the door and in walks Steroids, Amoxicillin, Ibuprofen and Z-pak. You tell them your situation and ask them to remove cold and flu by force. 

But Amcoxicillin says “Ma’am we can serve them with an eviction notice but it can still take up to seven days for them to leave.

“What!? Oh hell no they have go know.”

“I can come back and check on you every five to six hours,” Says Amoxicillin.

Z-pak say, ‘Well I can hang out for a few hours but then I have to leave but I can come back with a few of my buddies in the morning.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t see any relief coming.

Ibuprofen just apologized and said, “I am with Moxi.”

I rolled my eyes, “Moxi, really” I deadpanned.

Steroid said. “Look I can shoot them in the ass but without my backup it’ll still take some time to get rid of them.

They all waited for my answer. I look back forth between flu, cold and the cops. I told Steroid to shoot. And told the other to come back later.

After a loud scream from flu and cold they went back to the couch rubbing their ass, a little wounded but not severely hurt. I went and heated up some chicken broth and sat in the middle of flu and cold, wrapped a blanket around us and finished watching Myth Busters.

Ok NOW I can fall asleep.

It’s Been Ten Days

Earlier I posted about being Excited to be one of the authors pick to have my short story “Christmas in Hawaii,” as part of the Christmas anthology, “Christmas Delight,” by R.J. Scott, published by Love Lane Books. I also said at the time waiting for someone to edit your work was like having your insides laid opened and poked at. But after the panic was over and I settled down, everything I had to do during this process was believe it or not … fun. All the back and forth with the editor, the rewrite, the thinking and sometimes over thinking, it was all worth it. And now It has been ten amazing days since the release of “Christmas Delights,” and it still feels like the first day. And Christmas Delights is number one on the Goodreads list for M/M CHRISTMAS Books. I for one am not surprised  because all the stories are incredible and have some very hot hot male/male lovin going on. I really hope you all enjoy Christmas in Hawaii and thank you RJ for supporting so many new writers. Don’t forget that this Christmas anthology is a free download and can be found here:

   www.lovelanebooks.co.uk and All Romance eBooks

P.S RJ Scott is giving away a $10 Amazon voucher so leave a comment.

Excited

I am sooo EXCITED. My short story “Christmas In Hawaii” will appear in “Christmas Delights.” Published by Love Lane Books Limited. I could not believe it when I saw my name on the list of authors, I just stared at it. When I saw what RJ Scott was doing and offering to do for new writers I was thrilled. It’s not easy getting your name out there and having your name connect to a popular established author is huge. At first I thought there wasn’t enough time. I had to think of a concept, develop the characters, and plot. So I turned it over in my mind and thought why the fuck not. All I could do is try. The worse that could happen is that she would say no, and if that were the case I would just curl up in a ball in my bed, hide under my covers and quite possibly suck my thumb. (Thank the Goddess she said yes). My story is now with an editor. I have been biting my nails since I sent it. Nothing like having your torso cut open, having your insides taken out, put on display, and poked at. OK that may be just a bit of an exaggeration and possibly a bit dramatic. But the waiting is killing me. I will keep you updated and let you know if my sanity holds out.

I Met A Gril

I met a girl *big smile*. Well let me correct that, I’ve known her for a while. We started out as friends, just sort of hanging out, going shopping, going to the movies you know the sort of stuff you do with friends. I’m not sure when it jumped from friendship to more but that’s usually how it happens. We started texting and talking on the computer more. Soon I found that I was spending a great deal of my time with her. I would get lost in her, and forget about things that needed to be done. One day I realized that things were moving too fast and I told her that we needed to take a break. I tried to explain that I was trying to become a writer and this is something that I have always wanted to do so I needed to concentrate, focus. She didn’t take this to well.

Soon I saw a whole new side to her, she was around constantly, and I could never get anything done. I never realized how little I knew about her. People warned me but I never listen but it’s true, that Procrastination, she can be a real bitch sometimes. Her endless tricks to keep me from writing, using Facebook, Candy Crush, and Youtube clips of funny animals, even now she laughs as I sit and write about her knowing she is keeping me from what I should really be doing. But that’s it no more Procrastination, we’re finished. I write this as a warning to all who may run into this conniving witch. She lures you in with false promises of, “it won’t take long,” or “promise we’ll do it tomorrow.” Don’t listen to her turn and run away because trust me when I tell you Procrastination is a bitch.