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Sick and Delirious


I put a status up on face book not to long ago, then took my butt to bed. But I couldn’t go to sleep because a dialog started playing out in my head. Why you ask, well like the title say’s, I’m Sick and Delirious. So if I am going to get any sleep I had to write this out.

I’m here to give you a little advice. Never catch a cold, never catch the flu. Let those little buggers just run on by. They bring nothing to the table except for coughing, sneezing, headaches, fever, achy bodies and runny nose. Oh and lots of whining, lots and lots of whining, OH MY GOD MAKE IT SHUT UP WITH ALL THE WHINING. But lets say you do catch one or both of these little shits and you see the error of your ways and decide you don’t want them around any more, they need to get out and they need to get out fast. But all they do is laugh at you and say “make us”. They fall back on the couch watching Myth Busters, refusing to leave like they’re paying rent.

Now shits about to get real and you call the cops. There’s loud banging on the door and in walks Steroids, Amoxicillin, Ibuprofen and Z-pak. You tell them your situation and ask them to remove cold and flu by force. 

But Amcoxicillin says “Ma’am we can serve them with an eviction notice but it can still take up to seven days for them to leave.

“What!? Oh hell no they have go know.”

“I can come back and check on you every five to six hours,” Says Amoxicillin.

Z-pak say, ‘Well I can hang out for a few hours but then I have to leave but I can come back with a few of my buddies in the morning.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I didn’t see any relief coming.

Ibuprofen just apologized and said, “I am with Moxi.”

I rolled my eyes, “Moxi, really” I deadpanned.

Steroid said. “Look I can shoot them in the ass but without my backup it’ll still take some time to get rid of them.

They all waited for my answer. I look back forth between flu, cold and the cops. I told Steroid to shoot. And told the other to come back later.

After a loud scream from flu and cold they went back to the couch rubbing their ass, a little wounded but not severely hurt. I went and heated up some chicken broth and sat in the middle of flu and cold, wrapped a blanket around us and finished watching Myth Busters.

Ok NOW I can fall asleep.

Comments on: "Sick and Delirious" (1)

  1. you are one sick puppy, but you’re my puppy and I love you….feel better soon

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